she moves in her own way

Spent the better half of my afternoon blogging (or ranting) about life and how the glass is half empty blablabla, sekali inda tia dapat dipost. Some font technical thing.

Tapi kan. I feel sooooo much better now. Getting all those feelings out of my system and venting them out on an inanimate object just macam, sets them on an altogether different perspective. And not being able to publish that post also saved me from the possiblity of starting the next major world war.

I think I deserve a break now. Spent three days revising for a Chemistry test, sekali sudah the real thing, inda tia sampat abiskan the test. I keep on blaming my slow speed of writing, but anyway. I don't wallow in self-incited misery.

What if this present were the world's last night? - John Donne

Suffering from internet withdrawal symptoms and am currently internet-ing walaupun it's euhm beberapa minutes past bedtime.

Sooo. Banyak hype pasal band dari brunei yang namanya micbandits on facebook. Actually, hype's not the right word to describe band ani punya publicity and ensuing popularity, 'cause this time, this is one Bruneian band yang actually deserves all the pujian and kebagusan yang kana heap on them. I remember cringing dulu masa Form 1 kali, masa Lo Ryder (sp?) punya mv kana liatkan arah rtb, sekali macam heh? Pastu years before that, ada this band punya mv for lagu durang 'Arjuna Dewiku' (Arjuna dewiku, kau segalanya etc etc). Sooo now, saya beri beri proud lah ada itu band brunei pemes and semua olang suka, sebab saya suka juga and saya sick and tired of loving orang putih and orang kuria bands but inda dapat do that with bruneian bands. Well done, micbandits! (And Juju, if you're reading this, you go girl!)

Just got back from a good good weekend in Londres. Spent a third of the cuti di Oxford, makan KFC HALAL!!! AAAAA was practically jumping up and down sampai inda tau apa kan diorder hehe, pastu Bicester cherry popped but that was a tad disappointing first. Maybe pasal ujan berabis, and banyak orangs and durang semua banyak bali barang but kami inda haha. And I found the RL crested jacket tapinya nada saiz and yeah okay dang kalau kan becerita pasal hidupmu baik bali diary

Ada orang gitau aku yang kau ani lawa.

The immense workload from last week, though hopefully non-existant this week, is catching up to me. I get up every single morning feeling like nothing could go wrong but then feel incredibly exhausted even after only three periods of lessons. God knows how people without free periods cope. Maybe we all really are cut from different cloth.

The only consolation I get from work nowadays, the one thing that I look forward to after a strenuous week, is the next episode of Gossip Girl. In real life, when you're falling for a married man, his wife does not just then happen to be a manipulative social-climber and things don't just magically end between them. In real life, the little girl from Brooklyn does not just get to go with the Nate Archibalds of the world to the ball. In real life, you don't just carry a Chanel bag like it's another River Island knockoff of the Reissue; you caress the Chanel bag, you worship its every being.

I think that's what I love best about Gossip Girl. The idea that, for 40 mins a week, you get to escape reality and step into this glamorous world where everyone's pretty and everyone's mean and everybody knows that everyone else is mean, so all fake, pretentious salopes can just kiss their spotlight goodbye 'cause people like them can't really exist in real life (which is why Hilary Duff, Bree Buckley, Miss Carr etc only can last a couple of episodes). Georgina and Carter keep coming back, 'cause they're mean and evil, but at least they don't pretend not to be.

John Donne is also fast replacing Woolf to become my pre-tidur company. And last Sunday, THE Belle de Jour was revealed to be an amazing research scientist with a PhD, turning to prostitution to help pay for her studies.

Can't believe the most played song on my iTunes is Girls Generation's Gee. Trying to cover it up by putting Haru Haru and J'ai deux Amours on repeat.

But anyway. We are intrepid. We carry on.

We also love Chace Crawford.

To Write Love On Her Arms. My bit done <3


Ralph Lauren Crested Jackets. Inda kira the Dietrich or Thelred one, I love them both equally anyway.

Finally, a keraja-free school night. Miss Ani (soon to be Mrs. Something!) once cakap A-Levels ani the payahest bit of education, uni karang a breeze tia, and seeing that the course yang aku applying for ganya ada 2-ish lectures in a week, so macam yeah :) So to semua orang yang currently sitting for the A-Level exams di Brunei, KEEP ON GOING! Inda lagi batah tu, lapas atu rindu tia kamu kan proper lessons and cigu bagi notes etc etc.

I always find the need to kesiankan orang yang makan seorang, especially in a hall or room full of other orangs. Sometimes kan, aku macam kan dangani any third former/cigu/foreign student yang makan sorang in the hall di sini, pasal kesian wah. In a school chock-a-block full of manusia, inda kan sorang pun nada dangan durang. And paling kesian, if awalnya table atu panuh, sekali tangah-tangah ia makan semua orang jalan tia. KASIAN.

Malam ani both my wingwomen nada, and since aku akhir turun, semua tia the girls sudah jalan for tea. Seeing that I was 10ish mins late, ertinya if aku sampai ke the dining hall most of them abis makan sudah pasal durang bulldozers that way. And durang usually mau balik tarus lapas makan so macam mengacau jua tu if they have to wait for me. And wingmen entah, durang macam inda makan lagi. (What's your point) POINT BEING, Mr. Milton, I'm going to have to disagree, solitude is NOT best society. Same goes to you, Mr WW.

Nini kebayans pun kesian. You know, nini kebayans, senior citizens yang nada anak, nada partner and sudah tua paksa live on other orang punya charity, or if durang capable of living alone pun, kesian jua pasal ia selalu seorang. Dulu ada nini ani yang tinggal siring rumah the grandps, kiranya a friend of the family. Rumahnya yang kayu lakat, nada aircond, tv yang lama, nada astro you get the idea lah. Sekali masa damit kami selalu main dapan rumahnya and then kadang-kadang salam and jumpa ia, sekali sudah basar beraya and antar makanan lapas tahlil ke rumahnya. Masa damit dulu I've never thought of it in this way, but the image of an old woman sitting on the wooden, creaking steps of her aging house, possibly contemplating her life, her past and her empty future, is actually berabisly sad.

Sini banyak orang tua jua, but I think the saddest type of orang tua is yang macam si paedophile, or so seniors ku dulu panggil ia, inda pulang paedophile banar but yeah. Panggil ia si Jaguar lah cause keritanya Jaguar and aku inda tau namanya anyway. Ia bukan cigu sini, but macam he lives here and makan sini and jalan-jalan etc. I bet he's one of those really intellectual scholars yang spend all their lives reading and thinking saja, sekali one day ia bangun and sadar "Whoops I'm seventy now, oh well, too late to start a family or fall in love, might as well dedicate the remains of my day to this school". Sometimes I see him helping out masa third formers buat sports, bagi kit and bats arah durang, and masa makan, ia selalu sorang and hari atu sudunya gugur, pastu masa ia bend down to pick it up, his hands were shaking and covered with liver-spots. Sometimes on Sundays, masa other teachers makan brunch sama durang punya family, toddlers and all, ia duduk with them, and just looking at him, looking at them, looking at their children and looking back at his plate, is a sad enough image of, well, growing old.

Ada this guy, left right before I came to this school, baru, well, mati ('cause nya orang if inda Islam then cakap ia mati, not meninggal. Okay.). He was in St. Andrews Uni sekali lapas balik from this beach party pastu ada accident tia. Banyak orang macam sniffsniff drinking and driving tapi semua kawannya marah and cakap inda. Well, mana saja lah, but what's really touching is the support and number of people yang ingat and admire ia. Apparently, he was macam Head of House, 1st eleven for footie and rugby and cricket kali jua, pastu postor (prefect) pastu just an overall amazing guy. Fb remembrance page untuk ia panuh with condolences and memories and sampai beribu members.

Things like this macam, just puts everything else into perspective. Would you rather grow old, alone, so that when you leave you're not actually affecting that many people, but also pasal you'll have more chance to beribadat and repent? Or would you rather leave awal supaya inda berapa banyak dosa, and have a lot of people remember you, and not have to endure the sadness of having to spend the end of your life alone?





Trinity box set sampai soon :) Teaching myself French and hopefully will be okay with the language by January (if inda I want my 60 pounds back!!) Possibly going to Cannes or Malaga (or both teehee) masa one of the long cutis. And I'm currently addicted to tea plus milk plus three packets of sugar, but of course inda macam real teh tarik.

I can't speak French, so I'll let the funky music do the talking talking nowwwww :)

Back from a tres eventful half-term break in Londres, and already counting the days till the next ecw! Anyway, London means exposure to stories, gossip, drama, and newfound revelations.

Sometimes, some people like to keep some weird sorts of company. Mean girls and queen bees love including one odd, less lawa and less kaya girl in their posh posse, maybe cause it helps to make them feel better about themselves. Large groups of guys love having one guy yang inda mind if ia selalu arah the receiving end of banter and abuse. Sadly, the presence of the third wheel in a relationship is not amongst these weird instances, and this is based on experience yo.

Being a third wheel is, well, to sum it up in one word, sad. Incredibly, berabisly SAD. It's not just 'cause you're walking three steps behind orang in love, but it's also because you're the one yang paksa eksen liat tempat lain when they're starting to get all touchy, and you're the one who has to pretend to look at other necklaces when he's getting her one, and you're the one who has to sit alone on the bus while they cuddle up in front of you. But that's not all. It's sadder 'cause being a third wheel is an obvious scene and people can actually tell when you're a third wheel. It's sadder 'cause you know that no one's going to be getting you a new bag anytime soon. It's sadder 'cause one day, you're going to break down and decide to indulge in some random, meaningless relationship with some random girl/boy just so that, for once, you're not the girl/boy sitting on the other side of the table, alone.

Having a third wheel around you pun inda jua that fun. Kan bemushy-mushy, karang kana ceritakan arah everyone else. It's more pity and the 'bros over hos' thing yang stopping you from stopping him/her from being a third wheel, besides, understandable jua tu, no one likes having another pair of eyes watching (or pretending not to watch) their every movement masa durang on a date. Like I said, it's the entire 'bros over hos' thing. Kan ditinggalkan, karang kana ucap beekay. Kan dibawa, ia saja karang inda bedangan.

To be honest, you don't have to be a third wheel if you don't want to be one. Banyak lagi other people to hang out with di dunia ani, and when he/she punya other half atu busy or something, then you can do something with that friend. And don't force yourself to be in a relationship if it's only for all the wrong reasons. We all know how that's going to turn out, and of course, you should know better.

Being a third wheel is not that damaging jua. Si mama once asked me baik tah inda sad tu having to go out with other couples. Answer is, inda. Think of it as watching The Notebook or reading a sappy but feel-good love story. You're the third wheel kali jua tu ah in those cases, lagi tia dapat baca their minds and know their feelings. Only difference is that those scenes are now taking place dapan your eyes, so if you can feel happy for Noah and Allie then I don't see why you can't feel the same way when being a third wheel.

Being the third wheel can also make you possibly the most independent person alive. Banar. Just because you can't get a guy to get you that bag, doesn't mean that you're never going to be able to get that bag. Having to cross Oxford Street on a busy day alone doesn't mean that you're never going to be able to cross it. You're not going to take a detour all the way down through the Oxford Circus subway. Life's andang cematu kali ah. You might have to run, only narrowly missing a fast approaching No. 27. You might have to wait for ages sampai the road banar-banar empty or sampai the next green light. Either way, you're still going to get there, and when you reach those large yellow windows you yourself will realise how worthwhile that run, or wait, was. Don't substitute Primark for Selfridges just because it's closer and easier to get to. Being a third wheel also teaches you to do things right without the help of orang lain. Don't correct me on this one, because I don't see anything wrong in being able to do the right things without the help of anyone else.

And neither should you :)

Without a doubt, this is the best half term ever.

Sorry, just can't bear the thought of having to post this sudah balik in school, 'cause at least now if aku kan bedrama and emo-ing kamu only a few doors away, so I can just barge in and menari and entertain kamu like the anak kecil I am.

Finally, a cuti yang semua the girlfriends ada, and it's not exactly an expensive and wasted one, pasal kami buat keraja and save up and main netball anyway. And kami ganya kacau the PRs sekali with our 'karaoke-youtubing' session.

I'm going to missss thisssssssssssssssss :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I'm one of those really pretentious people yang suka pakai smart phrases but banarnya inda tau apa the phrase really means or whatever it stands for. So forgive me if the phrase, or saying, or term, or perkataan 'death by' means something other than 'mati oleh', but if the immediate slumber of myself and two other roomies as result of consumption of Brunei Hall's ever so scrumptious nasi lemak does not fall under the 'death by nasi lemak' category, then maaf zahir batin.

I hate it when it's cold and grey outside. Kan jalan, sajuk. Kan window shopping, sajuk. Kan buat keraja, boring. Kan tidur, okay lah.

Kemarin ada some kanak-kanak main 'carah' or tag or some sort of game di luar arah the garden place thing. Not exactly carah lah, 'cause they were really young, toddlers kali, sekali they were just chasing each other around pastu ada some mums jaga and tickle durang etc etc. Kinda macam one of those idyllic images arah Romantic poems, macam si Wordsworth punya childhood kali. Moments like that make me think. Si Wordsworth inda exactly being idealistic then masa ia describe those images and events, 'cause they really can take place. Sure, maybe not with the kids yang macam si Oliver Twist but maybe things were better di Cockermouth so yeah apakan where am I going with this.

Went to watch the play version of Breakfast at Tiffany's kemarin. Book adaptation lagi tu, bukan movie. But yeah they did warn orang awal-awal yang atu bukan the movie adaptation, so macam at the end banyak lah orang gasping cam "What, ia inda sama si William?" o.o That's life for you, dear audience, them writers are not as idealistic as them Hollywood moneymakers. Happy ending? Non-existent lahhhh. Everyone knows deep down yang contentment exists in the smallest portions, but better sikit than nothing.

Ishiguro is my new man. Been ages since a buku can move me this much sampai I'll give anything for the time to be able to read Remains of the Day sama his other books lagi sekali, but banyak lagi other books to baca, keraja to buat. So yeah.

Sometimes I wonder. Hidup jadi 'pembantu rumah' ani torture kali ah. Inda balik for a year, sometimes two years, pastu anak laki tinggal, then gaji inda jua basar banar, sekali baik employer manis, if yang meano psycho, last-last kana abuse, kalau anaknya lagi pandai ikut-ikutan kurang ajar...

Si Stevens arah Remains of the Day lagi tia kesian. Even sampai the last bits of his time wah, sampai ia tua sudah, ia lakat lagi inda sadar yang ia atu puppet, void of emotions, incapable of feelings, lakat lagi sampai the last few lines of the book ia devoted berabis kan kerajanya as a BUTLER.

Movie adaptation, must watch. But baca the book dulu lah.

Anyhoo, lighter note.

Congrats Klimahpoo for your newly acquired BOBOI! Will join you soon, Mah! :)))))))))))))))))))))

Dear Nadjengs,

Hi babygirl hotstuff, apa kabarmu? Lama sudah aku inda jumpa kau, rindu ku kan rambut mu yang bedye, pipimu yang merah kana tampar and perasannessmu wawaweee.

Anyway. Since kau cakap aku punya posts selalu emo and betchy and inda happy, this one's just for you bebeh!

Hari atu kami ada babi (or maybe cousin babi) di Shrews. So half the school bebabi lah. Ada yang banar-banar, ada yang essen. Banyak yang inda beshave and batuk-batuk tia. So sekulah kana tutup awal, but since kami conscientious students berabis kami stay in school sampai the date cuti awal-awal. Di sekulah, macam Christmas in Hogwarts rasanya. Makan sikit orang, jalan-jalan nada orang, music building empty so dapat lah aku labang-labang nyanyi-nyanyi.

Sekali kami turun londres. Nothing much, makan, minum, tidur, netball, essay, tidur, makan, netball, minum.

Sekali abis tia jengs haha apakan hapus aku nidji write me off (ia punya Biarlah in English... Nevermind. hahaha)

Love
Babygurl Starship

Mechanical. You. Say?

Wait. Till. I. Get. My. Bullet. Points. Out.